i'm a fake and any second someone is going to figure that out. some might have already.
quick, hide.
i'm myself but not really. self-ish if you will. there i said it.
stop.
time to re-evaluate. i am but not. either i'm clinging to straws or i'm in the darkest part of night before a few more degrees of rotation. hopefully the latter. i care about people because nice people care about people. i care about starving kids because that's what a humanitarian does and humanitarians are wonderful. i practice yoga because people who say they do yoga are.... trendy (please forgive the overuse of this word lately) and i meditate because spiritual people have that sexy mysterious peace about them. i've got a bubbly personality because people enjoy being around bubbly people and i like when people enjoy being around me. i respect other peoples' opinions because people who do so are very respectable themselves and i want to be a respectable person. i'm in the healthcare field because people that want to help others are good people. is that who i am? if that's who i am, then who am i?
what the fuuuuuhhhh????
have i chosen my sports because i really like them or because people who choose those sports are cool for being radical. why did i choose my major. why am i wearing white underwear. why is my apartment so damn big. why don't i always do what i say i will do. why does a ratio of stiletto heels and pearls : hippie helmets and dirty feet even exist in my life at all. i'm not going to let my nightmares about growing up come true. they won't win me over.
you are not my father.
my name isn't even luke.
my eyes are closed.
a deep breath. mmmm yeahhh.... i remember now. my name is shakti, and i do care. i am the force behind caring and genuine concern. because i am a child with a swollen belly. i am an old woman on a ventilator staring out of her room into the hallway. i am the truck driver who hits someone on a bicycle and drives away. i am the tree. i am the wind. i'm a human and what an amazing journey this has been. i care about others because i am Self/ God/ Divinity/ the Universe. i care about others, i am aware, and i am grateful.
1 comment:
unfortunately (let me doubt that) there are many people that are not what they are but what they are expected (i am sometimes)... and i think that is fine (and fortunate) as long as one is committed to match his inner and outer self... being aware of not being faithful to oneself is just the first step... and walking is what matters, isn't it?
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